Shaadi Shaadi is a waste of time

Playing the game "Shaadi Shaadi" as a child was a complete waste of time! My goodness! How much time did I waste thinking about my dress, my shoes, my make up and all the other glitzy glamorous things which would come my way if only I got married.  This warped belief followed me into my teens and well into my adult years because I genuinenly believed that marriage would validate me as a human and within my community.  The really sad thing is that having achieved and worked so hard through my life, gone to law school, almost qualified as a Barrister, my parents had other plans for me.  They wanted me to continue achieving instead of focusing on marriage.  However, I always felt differently.  I was a woman obsessed with the glitz and glamour of Shaadi and went looking for a bandwagon to jump into!

Don't get me wrong, I am a very lucky woman (Alhumdulilah - by the grace of Allah), I was blessed with a wonderful husband.  He went to extreme lengths to bring me into his life (travelled all the way from lovely Canada to England to ask for my hand in marriage! - not to mention the gifts that he showered me with after I said "yes").  I absolutely loved him - and still do.  However, I have to admit, as a Muslim woman who is seriously stubborn and used to getting her way, marriage is extremely hard work. 

And then I was engaged! I was getting married! YES! It was actually happening! All that I had been planning and waiting for in my life was coming true! I was spending an extraordinarily ridiculous time on prepping and planning for this wedding.  The venue, the designer, the wedding planner, the photographer, the florist, the make up parlour all had to be "exclusive" and "original" which basically translated to "expensive" and "a waste of money".  I actually dedicated a whole file to the wedding which was neatly organised into labels of "Wedding Designer", "Planner" and "Photographer" respectively.  I was nitpicking at every single detail and wanted every detail to be just perfect.  The amount of trouble I gave to my parents in the run up to the wedding was just shameful; it reached such a fever pitch that my mother was counting down the days until the marriage came so I would stop annoying her about "the wedding planner isn't putting fresh flowers on my stage, or the wedding designer HAS to be from Lahore". 

Throughout the preps my mother kept warning me "Your wedding is just a day, your marriage is for a lifetime" which bothered me as a dull headache.  I wasn't really interested in hearing this when I had to buy matching shoes for my 50 bridal trousseau suits.  I just wanted everything to be perfect but had not done anything to prepare myself for the ultimate shock to the system:  reality!

So the big day came and went, nearly trouble-free, but executed beautifully.  When all the fanfare, pomp and glory faded I was like "well what now?"  and started twiddling my thumbs with boredom.  I had heard all the various horror stories of living with in-laws and the various exaggerated manifestations of a daughter and mother in law relationship.  However, Alhumdulilah, I was blessed with the most wonderful mother in law who was more like a friend rather than an adversary.  She didn't have this odd obsession of interfering in every aspect of my life or commenting negatively about all that I did.  She was very accepting and warm towards me.  


However, life had changed drastically. I was in a new country, new house, new family, new phone number, new address, new new new.  It was meant to be exciting and "rosy" but I couldn't help feeling suffocated and nervous.  There was a side in me that just wanted to find the nearest exit sign and run.  I really felt like I should have listened to my parents and continued with my education or just stayed in the confines of "normality".  I was severely homesick and started isolating myself from my sister- in - law and husband.  Obviously, this took a huge toll on our relationship but I just was not ready to become the "Martha Stewart" wife. I wanted to enjoy my life; go out, experience new things, enjoy myself instead of being cooped up at home and learning a new dish.


As this started taking its toll on my health, I started to remember what my mother used to tell me regarding marriage and realised that no one would change to accept me into their life. I would have to change to accept them into my life. By "them" I mean my in-laws. As this realisation dawned on me, I started to change my attitude towards my husband and his family.  The more I opened up and relaxed I became, the friendlier everyone was around me.  Additionally, my husband started realising that I did make positive changes and he started behaving warmly around me.  In under a year, we moved out from the family home and have started to build a life for ourselves. My patience and good manners paid off! I was so happy but tried my best to hide my happiness :D


My mother was always right (as ever!!). In order to start living your married life in a positive way, the trick is to remain positive, optimistic and make changes to your life. If you just remain PATIENT, love your life, always remember the silver lining to the cloud and keep your priorities right then you will have no problem in your married life.  Oh and learning to cook also comes in handy!


I wish all brides to be the very best of luck in their new life! Keep loving life!